Maybe I am caught and snagged by a wandering soul - I find myself back there again, and a few dried leaves, swirling on the ground, follow me around. Whose soul could it be? Can souls travel across oceans?

Just yesterday I opened up a Chinese website, which I hadn't visited for a very long time, and read a piece of appalling news: a very famous singer jumped from her apartment building, killed herself. I used to hear her sentimental voice on the streets of Beijing, "You never understand my feelings..." She was about my age.

About two decades ago, San Mao, a Taiwanese writer, another romantic soul, who had survived the harsh Sahara desert, hanged herself at the age of forty eight. I still remember her Oliver Tree: "Don't ask where I am from, my home is far, far away ... For the olive tree in my dream, I wander so far ..."

I decide not to go there anymore.

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